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"Uncovering the Truth: The Big, Little Secret About Understanding Your Personal Needs"

Updated: Mar 27

“You don’t need that.”

“There’s no need for that.”

Thought Provocateur Social Media Series post about your personal needs
Thought Provocateur Social Media Series

We have all heard those invalidating words at one time or another. Perhaps we have even said them to someone else. I certainly have in moments when I’m not at my best.

It’s okay if you have said something similar. We are, after all, only human and subject to that pesky thing called the human condition. We can never be perfect, but we can continue to strive to be better today than we were yesterday.

Understanding Your Personal Needs

Understanding your personal needs is important to understanding yourself, and here’s a secret about human needs. Namely. your. specific. human. needs.

Your needs do not require anyone’s consent or agreement to be valid. Because you have them makes them valid enough. That’s the test. The benchmark. The threshold. That’s it.

In other words, determining if your needs are valid is not a decision to be made by a committee. It’s your decision. And yours alone. If you say it, it is so.

We often want validation from others about our needs. It feels good when someone else says, “I agree or relate with you.” or “I have the same needs.” 

That's normal, and it feels good because validation feels good and helps us feel connected.

But, whether or not someone has a similar need, agrees, or disagrees with your need has no impact on the validity of - your - need. 

Your need stands on the simple merit of you saying it's a need you have. That's enough.

It can be easy to forget this point in the heat of the moment when we are emotional, but by slowing down your responses, you can give space for this reality to emerge and, as a result, choose to take a different path or a different behavior. You don't have to argue about the validity of your needs with anyone because the decision about your needs is made by a committee of one person - and you are the only member. 

Thought Provocateur Social Media Series

The inspiration for the Thought Provocateur Social Media Series is that I love it when I encounter questions or bits of wisdom that stop me in my tracks. These insights tend to stay in your head for more than five minutes and may come back later to revisit you. It’s when the signal outweighs the noise. You tend to remember them because they touch something deep inside of us.

About The Nexus Initiative

The Nexus Initiative is a boutique executive coaching firm whose mission is to develop emotionally intelligent and mentally agile leaders and teams. My approach leverages real-world operating experience, multi-disciplinary thinking, industry-leading certifications, and a Wharton MBA.

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